| Ahh, friends. The people we pick up along the | | | | Never argue via email. Unfortunately, there will be |
| proverbial bus ride of life. Some hitch a ride and | | | | times when feelings get hurt and grievances must |
| get off after a couple stops, and others hang on | | | | be aired. Whatever you do, don't hash it out on |
| for the long haul. As our world grows ever | | | | email. Putting harsh and defensive remarks in |
| smaller, the friendship pool extends ever wider. | | | | writing is a terrible thing to do to a friend! Here's |
| But does it grow shallower, too? | | | | the thing: if you feel you can't call someone or |
| So many friends, so little time. We have our | | | | "have a discussion" face to face, I have some sad |
| life-long friends, whose children we watch grow | | | | news for you. You're probably not as close to this |
| bigger each year. We have our work friends, | | | | person as you think you are. Maybe instead of |
| those great comrades who hear our daily | | | | hurling accusations, it's time to think about saving |
| frustrations and celebrate our biggest | | | | (or severing) the friendship. |
| achievements. Then there are the old school | | | | Don't push the (guest) envelope. So you're getting |
| friends; we came of age shared our best | | | | married. Wonderful! Do you invite everyone in the |
| memories with these guys! And of course, our | | | | free world, or do you keep it intimate and |
| extra-curricular friends; bowling buddies, drinking | | | | exclusive? With so many friends in so many |
| buddies, kindred souls from the writers' club, | | | | circles, it's hard to know where to draw the line. |
| moms from the PTA. Last but not least, the | | | | Suppose you ask an old friend who you haven't |
| internet friends... some of whom may know our | | | | been particularly close to of late, to your wedding... |
| deepest secrets even as we have yet to know | | | | and they decline. Should you feel offended? |
| their faces! | | | | Should you pursue them for an explanation? No, |
| These days, a friend is a phone call or an email | | | | and no. Sure, you may feel upset that someone |
| away. Friends can find us on our cell phones and | | | | from the past doesn't wish to share in your joy, |
| on the internet, even if we move across country. | | | | but why not just concentrate on your happy |
| Seems so easy, to just have friends and more | | | | times ahead instead of dwelling on the negative? |
| friends by the boatload. Why, you can have a | | | | If someone doesn't feel like participating, just let |
| friend in every city if you want to (and that | | | | them be. You have the rest of your life to work |
| would make for some cheap and interesting | | | | on getting close to them if you really want to. |
| vacations!). But the fact about friendship is... if we | | | | Remember your true friends. That guy from |
| want to have deep friendships with some folks, | | | | happy hour is not your real friend. The woman |
| others will simply have to take a back seat. And if | | | | from Yoga who calls you only when she's mad at |
| we want healthy relationships all around, we'll have | | | | her boyfriend is not your real friend. Someone |
| to learn not to be so petty. | | | | who still thinks you're the same person you were |
| With this new ease in communication comes new | | | | two decades ago is not your real friend, either |
| categories of friends, and a brand new set of | | | | (although they may think they are!). Your real |
| considerations. Sometimes you fight yourself | | | | friends have known you in your darkest hour and |
| caught between a friend whom you really feel a | | | | love you all the more for it. Your real friends have |
| close connection with, and another, more | | | | watched the birth and death of your thousand |
| persistent friend who jockeys for your free time. | | | | selves. Your real friends tell you the truth and not |
| Then there is the matter of social engagements. | | | | what you want to hear. Your real friends would |
| If you throw a party and only invite family and | | | | drop everything to come to your rescue, and |
| long-time friends, will your internet friends feel left | | | | you'd do the same for them. Never forsake |
| out? Should you start living secret lives with | | | | these people for friends of a fair-weather variety! |
| multiple sets of friends? What about friends who | | | | Go with the flow. My eighth grade reading teacher |
| lay guilt trips on you? Does the | | | | wrote the following in my yearbook: "Stay happy |
| you-can-run-but-you-can't-hide aspect of cell | | | | and lithe and go with the flow, and love shall |
| phones, voicemail and email make it easier to just | | | | follow wherever you go." What great advice! If |
| silently bear these people than shake them off | | | | you're going with the flow you're not really |
| for good? | | | | resisting, are you? If you're going with the |
| The world is getting pretty crowded. With every | | | | relationship flow, you're realizing that things can't |
| new friend we make, we give away another little | | | | be perfect with everyone at all times, and that's |
| piece of ourselves. This can be exhausting! So | | | | okay. There's always tomorrow, next week, next |
| how do we keep the cup of love and friendship | | | | year or the next century for the winds to change |
| from spilling over? Here's a little new-age | | | | direction and reawaken an old friendship that may |
| philosophy to keep your relations peaceful and | | | | have been dormant for some time. |
| joyous, the way that your God would want them. | | | | Don't say goodbye; say, "See you later." Sure, |
| Take responsibility for yourself and no one else. | | | | there are times in our life when we'll feel like |
| Why is it so much easier for us to point fingers | | | | we've outgrown certain people. Was there a |
| instead of taking the blame ourselves and then | | | | crowd who you always partied with, who maybe |
| making a motion for improvement? Why do we | | | | you don't seem to have as much in common with |
| say things like, "Hey, you never call me anymore!" | | | | anymore? Did you become more religious, and did |
| when it should be more like, "Gee, I've been so | | | | that leave you with some tough choices to make |
| out of touch, maybe I should give [Cathy] a ring." | | | | about which friends to keep? There is no reason |
| If everyone just owned up to their own | | | | to hurt someone by telling them, "I don't want to |
| shortcomings and corrected their own faults, | | | | be your friend anymore." Go quietly and gracefully |
| things would be better all around. | | | | if you can. You never know what the future |
| Learn to love people for the ways they fulfill you, | | | | holds, and whether or not an old friend may |
| instead of resenting them for the ways they | | | | return to your life at some point down the road. |
| don't. Ever catch yourself saying, "Oh, I can't talk | | | | Whoever said "It's a small world after all," was |
| about [work] to So-and-so. She just doesn't want | | | | more right than they realized. We need to figure |
| to hear it." Well, is there something else you CAN | | | | out a way to keep our relations peaceful on this |
| talk to that person about? Do you have different | | | | ever-shrinking planet. Let's all be a little more |
| friends for different interest categories? Well, | | | | thankful for and forgiving of our friends. After all, |
| that's a positive thing! What a lucky person to be | | | | what would we be without them? |
| able to share your multiple facets of personality | | | | Copyright 2005 Dina Giolitto. All rights reserved. |
| with so many wonderful friends. | | | | |