| p>Since our current industry-generated culture | | | | contributes to children's perceptual chaos. Kids |
| with its emphasis on the external, it is no wonder | | | | won't go inside easily with the TV replacing the |
| that as a society we don't place an emphasis on | | | | focus of attention. |
| the growth of an interior life. Inner qualities, like | | | | Invite "think-links." These are times to link with |
| integrity, are invisible and thus cannot be seen or | | | | one's own thinking. As a classroom teacher, I |
| valued as significant. Therefore, parents must be | | | | used to have my students put their heads down |
| quite intentional in creating home and local | | | | on their desks and "just think about" a question I |
| community environments that allow children and | | | | asked for five minutes before raising their hands. |
| teens access to their inner terrain. If we want to | | | | When helping your child with homework, you can |
| raise children with character, it's important to | | | | do the same. When frustration mounts and |
| remember that virtues, such as honesty, | | | | answers don't come readily have your son or |
| empathy, and generosity, make up the | | | | daughter close eyes and do a "think-link." With |
| personality. Rather than imposed or taught, these | | | | your child calmed down, ask one question that |
| qualities are birthed inside of a person when the | | | | might get your child headed in the right direction. |
| interior life of the person reflects those qualities. | | | | Give him at least five minutes to think about the |
| An interior life is to our minds what an enclosed | | | | question. Don't talk about anything at this time. |
| porch is to our house. It is a place separate from, | | | | After the thinking time is up, discuss any insights |
| yet a part of the structure in which we live. A | | | | or ideas your child has come up with. Observe |
| place to meet ourselves and have a good chat. A | | | | how he or she links to own thinking given a |
| seclusion to muse and ponder. A timeout where | | | | time-out to do so. |
| we can regroup and understand ourselves better. | | | | Ask the question, What are you saying to |
| We enter when we wish and leave when it's time. | | | | yourself about _________? This is a handy |
| Hopefully, it is a room of light; a place where we | | | | question to ask when reading aloud to children or |
| achieve clarity and purpose. | | | | when they are reading to you. For teens, it's an |
| Discovering and building an interior life opens up | | | | excellent question when they are in a dilemma, |
| whole new ways of being in the world and brings | | | | not sure which choice to make. It opens up |
| important insights for interacting healthily with | | | | self-knowledge and an opportunity for us as |
| others. We can invite children to focus on their | | | | parents to peek into how their minds are |
| inner selves through three basic skills that start | | | | operating and make course corrections as needed. |
| with the letter I, necessary for crafting a positive | | | | State the sentence, "I see you need to think |
| self-image, the You in each of us. I have seen | | | | about that a bit." When our children want us to |
| positive changes in children's and teens' behaviors, | | | | make a quick decision for them, this is an |
| attitudes, and feelings of self-worth occur when | | | | excellent opportunity to give them a chance to |
| parents emphasized these skills consistently: | | | | reflect upon what they're asking. Similar things we |
| Introspection | | | | could say are: "Why don't you reflect on what |
| Inspiration | | | | you just said for the rest of the day, and then |
| Intrinsic Motivation | | | | let's talk about it tonight?" Or "I like the way you |
| Introspection | | | | are taking time to think this through." |
| Important research in environmental psychology | | | | Inspiration |
| shows that too much stimulation has serious | | | | While introspection helps kids value themselves, |
| side-effects. The more overly-stimulated children | | | | inspiration enables kids to value their capacity to |
| get, the more likely they will have trouble sitting | | | | come up with ideas. When was the last time you |
| still to wander their mental landscape. Actually | | | | felt inspired? Think back upon a time when you |
| initiating time to be inside of self can seem a huge | | | | encountered illumination. Whether you were struck |
| obstacle for a lot of kids. Why? Too much | | | | with just the right way to fix a leaky gutter, or |
| stimulation takes away the capacity for | | | | captured the exact colors on a canvas, chances |
| introspection. One fascinating study even showed | | | | are these moments also connected you to a |
| that when kids have to repeatedly tune out noise | | | | positive sense of self. A can-do attitude springs |
| in order to concentrate, they may also lose other | | | | forth and we feel good about what we can |
| abilities as well. Children living over a noisy highway | | | | accomplish. |
| screened out audio cues required to discriminate | | | | What is inspiring out there for our kids in the |
| sounds critical for them to learn how to read. | | | | industry-generated culture? When we look around |
| Another study showed that children in classrooms | | | | we see superficiality, nihilistic attitudes, messages |
| on a noisy street had lower reading scores than | | | | that shout we are terminally deprived, a |
| children in quieter classrooms. (Gallager) Another | | | | quasi-human if we don't measure up to an |
| study measured the effect of music and | | | | arbitrary industry-generated standard. Rather than |
| television on sixth grade and college students' | | | | seeing this as the ultimate lie, a lot of kids absorb |
| reading performance on a standardized reading | | | | these messages as gospel truth-not a way to |
| test. It was interesting that most people thought | | | | induce inspiration by any means. In a commodified |
| that the music was the most difficult to have on | | | | culture such as ours, it seems we parents need a |
| while reading and that the television being on had | | | | lot of inspiration to figure out how to help our kids |
| not bothered their performance too much. | | | | experience inspiration! |
| However, the results were just the opposite. In | | | | Perhaps the best way is the simplest. When |
| fact, the reading performance of the sixth | | | | children go with an idea or produce something, we |
| graders was two grade levels lower with the | | | | can help them get acquainted with the impetus |
| music on and four years lower with the TV on. | | | | behind their creations. When a young child runs to |
| The college students performed one and a half | | | | us and says, "Look Mommy, see what I did," we |
| grades worse with the music on and two years | | | | can pick up his drawing and say, "That's beautiful. I |
| worse with the TV on. | | | | can see that you were inspired." When our ninth |
| Time in front of televisions or video games | | | | grader works hard to score a goal for her team, |
| doesn't count as introspection time, either. They | | | | afterwards we can comment, "That was some |
| are too stimulating to low brain sensibilities. With | | | | inspiring play out there." When our high school |
| bright colored images, often fast-paced flashes, | | | | senior has to write his college application essay |
| they actually distract the child from having his or | | | | and is in a panic because he can't think of |
| her own thoughts. Some teens can manage to | | | | anything, we can reassure with, "Just take some |
| travel their inner paths while listening to music, but | | | | time, inspiration will come, it always does. You |
| often they are immersed in the lyrics and not | | | | know that. Be patient and trust it." When we |
| discovering their own inner voices. Working on a | | | | identify inspiring moments for our kids and affirm |
| computer can be a wonderful thinking adventure. | | | | their ability to be inspired they will have faith that |
| But too much time with computers also distracts | | | | it will show up when needed. And it will. In addition |
| kids from their inner selves. A teacher recently | | | | by allowing space for inspiration children learn to |
| told me about a ten year-old client with carpal | | | | trust their competence. And competence, along |
| tunnel syndrome. Spending six hours a day on the | | | | with autonomy and the know-how to relate well |
| computer, almost every minute he is not in school | | | | to others feed the development of a strong |
| or sleeping, this boy has no emotional affect at all. | | | | sense of self. |
| There is no joy or curiosity in his eyes. He is | | | | Intrinsic Motivation |
| withdrawn and socially inept. All he wants is to be | | | | Inspiration will naturally lead to children and teens |
| on the computer. He eats dinner alone in front of | | | | capable of motivating themselves. This may seem |
| the computer and will only do his homework if | | | | like a surprising statement given the tremendous |
| promised more computer time. | | | | amount of resources that go into prodding kids to |
| It would be important to know what this boy is | | | | function in our schools. We can't lose trust in their |
| actually doing on the computer. Is he composing | | | | commitment to learn and we take up the struggle |
| poetry or writing an interesting research paper? If | | | | for them, as hard as it is at time to watch them |
| he were in these creative endeavors, he would | | | | floundering. Joy in discovery, satisfaction in |
| be drawing upon his interior life and feeding it as | | | | accomplishment, and enthusiasm in creativity are |
| well. Chances are, like too many children today, he | | | | sadly missing from too many children's |
| spends computer time in easy games or surfing | | | | experiences-either at school or at home. For |
| the Internet. It's difficult for humans to become | | | | these qualities to be present in learning |
| addicted to using mental functions or creating | | | | experiences, humans must be motivated from |
| something new. Rather, we form addictions to | | | | the inside out. Yes, external rewards play a part in |
| activities that don't require us to bring much of | | | | determining our choices. Few people will work |
| ourselves to the activity. The very nature of an | | | | forty hours a week without a paycheck. But |
| addiction is that the person is unconscious of the | | | | most want those forty hours to be meaningful to |
| detrimental effects of his or her pursuits. Not | | | | them in some way. Unless we are also intrinsically |
| being fully present in the activity, the activity | | | | motivated, our activities are void of meaning and |
| controls the person, rather than vice versa. | | | | purpose. |
| Entering the worlds created by software | | | | Parents can learn to draw out their children's |
| developers, computer programmers, or video | | | | talents and skills by affirming their internal drive. |
| game designers means that kids don't have to | | | | This sets up the foundation for healthy |
| give much of themselves to the process in which | | | | self-identity. When parents provide choice, |
| they engage. It is all been done for them. They | | | | acknowledge children's feelings and provide |
| can play the game well, unaware of their inner | | | | opportunities for self-direction they enhance |
| selves. When children are given opportunities to | | | | intrinsic motivation because when they do so they |
| be able to be inside themselves without need of | | | | allow a greater degree of autonomy.) |
| any external stimulation, they come to value their | | | | As children's feelings of competence increase, so |
| own thinking processes and capabilities in | | | | does their sense of personal agency. Several |
| important ways. Too much time with externalized | | | | researchers have found that intrinsic motivation |
| images on screens prevent children and teens | | | | flourishes in contexts characterized by a sense of |
| from knowing themselves. And, obviously, they | | | | security and relatedness. It can seem too simple |
| cannot value what they do not know. | | | | to many parents, but it's true: being with their |
| Simple Ways Parents Can Encourage | | | | children in ways that demonstrate love, |
| Introspection | | | | connection, and caring is the most essential |
| Like any skill, introspection can be learned when | | | | ingredient of supporting growth of a healthy |
| practiced. Here are ways that work: | | | | self-identity. |
| Take a day on the weekend for a family | | | | In a mass media culture with all its challenges and |
| inventory. Are there changes that can be made | | | | demands, parents are wise to focus on |
| such as a rule to limit blaring music after a certain | | | | developing and maintaining children's authentic |
| hour? Find out what works for family members | | | | self-identity. When children have a solid sense of |
| to spend quiet time "inside their heads." Discuss | | | | self, they can accomplish creative works, |
| how you can help each other gain time and space | | | | contributing to the good of society and moving |
| for introspection by being more aware of each | | | | society forward to a mature relationship with |
| others' needs. | | | | screen technologies. After all, it will take mature |
| Provide a special place for quiet thinking. It may | | | | individuals to control and manage screen |
| be an overstuffed chair in the living room or a | | | | technologies well. And it will take mature, wise |
| kitchen nook. Maybe you will create one with a | | | | adults to transform the current |
| few pillows in a corner of the rec room. | | | | industry-generated culture to a |
| Wherever it is, when a child (or parent) is there, it | | | | personally-generated one in which parents reclaim |
| means, "Please do not talk to me. I am taking a | | | | their roles as creators of the society they inhabit. |
| mental journey away from it all. Be back soon." | | | | Copyright Gloria DeGaetano, 2010. All Rights |
| Keep the TV off when no one is watching it. This | | | | Reserved. |
| isn't healthy "background noise." Rather it | | | | |